|
|
Under
Santa's Hat by Rick Ryan |
|
|
|
Under
Santa's Hat by Rick Ryan |
|
| Under
Santa's hat, there is a curious little crop His bottom may be fat, but he's been getting thin on top The fuzz above his forehead's like a field that's underfed It won't be long until there's not one hair on Santa's head He knows how cold each winter gets, how every sneeze can freeze So he searches on the internet for "bald head remedies" Each remedy's a food or drink, some wacky, wild and weird Soon he begins to rub them where his hair has disappeared He starts out by spreading salsa onto every hairless spot He knows he can't be careless, it's the only chance he's got When he glances in his mirror the next morning after bed He searches for some hair, but a sombrero's there instead Well, Santa looks discouraged, but he doesn't feel defeat He cooks up a new remedy and says, "Bon appetit!" Across his bald head everywhere, he spreads a cheese souffle But on those spaces he wants hair, now sits a French beret Santa's never one to worry, so he sets a faster pace In a hurry he makes curry and he plasters it in place Now his goal is getting clearer, he's much nearer with each try But one look into the mirror shows a turban two feet high! Next, he rustles up some barbeque and spreads it with a smile He thinks, "This'll do the trick, I'm gonna grow hair Texas-style!" He's sure he's found a cure from all those remedies he's read Till he sees a giant Stetson ridin' high up on his head As he smashes up and pours on a puree' of squash and peas Santa hangs out and prepares to shout "hooray!" at what he sees When he gives his head a tough-guy stare and dares his hair to grow The cutest baby bonnet's there, all tied up with a bow Well, this gent they call Saint Nicholas is quite a sight to see His results have been ree-dickle-us with each new recipe In time, his tale will tickle us-- he doesn't have a doubt But today he's got to find a way to get some hair to sprout He can't resist those remedies, but the list goes on and on So, he certifies this date "The Great Hair-Growing Marathon" He gives it all he's got while mixin' fixins one by one Whether he grows hair or not, it seems like Santa's having fun He cooks up his cuisine, he's got a hungry head to feed He looks like a machine with every move at lightning speed For show, he throws on flour and dough, he's like an acrobat But instead of hair, what sits up there's a great, big baker's hat Then he squishes up and dishes up a hot dog on a bun But an oldtime baseball cap appears the minute that he's done He thinks that rum might grow some hair, so he rubs on more and more Then a pirate hat is sitting there, like Long John Silver wore When Santa serves up Irish stew and sprinkles shamrocks on There's a green hat with a buckle, he's a lucky leprechaun Then he tosses on some mystery sauce, across his head it roams When a cool detective's hat appears, he looks like Sherlock Holmes After mashing up a cup of maize to help his hairless cause He wears an Indian headdress and becomes Chief Santa Claus Then all those crazy cures start tickling Santa's funny bone He thinks about a hundred other hats that he might own! There's Merlin the Magician's from those great King Arthur books Those floppy hats for fishin', crammed with tackle, bait and hooks Those Viking hats from days of yore with horns designed to shock Those funny hats the Pilgrims wore when they hit Plymouth Rock Next, a quirky fez from Turkey with its tassle dangling down From an ancient English castle he could have a kingly crown Now, his bald head doesn't bother him at all, imagine that Up there, instead of hair, he'd rather wear another hat! So many hats--a helmet, a fedora or a tam He's balder than an eagle, but he's happy as a clam In just awhile, he'll have a pile of styles he's never seen He's turned his hairless head into a hat-making machine So, Santa's head keeps working till the sun begins to rise He knew it had some skill, but still he can't believe his eyes His hat-making machine went wild, there's not one space to spare A thousand different hats are piled in places everywhere Santa finally finds a way that his bald head has passed the test It worked so hard and fast, now it deserves a little rest He wanted something up there, but much more than hair has grown The biggest hat collection that this world has even known!
|
