Quick Christmas Jokes

Mummy, where did all these lovely toys come from?
Santa Claus brought them all.
Did he bring everything.... the football, the robot, the computer game...... and everything?
Of course he did.
So who buys all the things in the shops?

Hi Stevie, did you see Santa Claus this year?
No uncle Pete, it was too dark to see him; but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toe on the cupboard.

I'm going to buy a Christmas present for my new girlfriend. What do you think she'd like?
Does she like you?
Yes, I think so.
Well, if she really likes you, she'll like anything.

I'll never forget last Christmas.
Why?
I brought my girlfriend some perfume and my brother a shotgun. 
So?
I sent a note with her present saying I hoped she would try it on herself sometime. 
And?
She got the note okay, but I accidentally sent her the shotgun.

I want to buy a Christmas present for my wife.
How about something nice in a negligee?
Okay, but let's sort out the present first.

What shall we get dad for Christmas?
He says he's thinking about buying a new car.
Great. Let's buy him a chauffeur's outfit.

What does it mean .....Yuletide greetings?
If you can lend me a fifty quid,  you'll tide me over until Boxing Day.

At Christmas time every girl wants her past forgotten and her present remembered.